Wednesday, July 13, 2011

My Mother's Pain........

I remember things from my childhood and I swear I wish I could forget some of it!
I had a strict mother that basically kept me away from the world..or tried to. My father was hardly around due to the fact that he was Spanish and my granny didn't approve of him. She even called me a mut at times, but she always had a reckless mouth anyway.

I seen a lot of stuff that happened with my mom and her boyfriends..(nothing sexual) she always had this thing where she needed someone to love her. I didn't understand it back then but as I became a teenager and realized what was going on, I was disgusted by it.

My mom would always end up with men that didn't love her the way she loved them and it ended up destroying her. My mom feel in love with a married man and end up having 2 kids with him. This man came around when he felt like it, she would call him and tell him what she need for the kids and he took his sweet ass time coming by. Because he was married and lied that he was separated, she had a limited number where he could be reached. Seeing all of that disgusted me! Later on down the line she had more babies with men that didn't love her the way she loved them.

My mom also suffered from depression and mood disorder, which was very difficult to deal with but we got through it. The house was peaceful when she would take her medication for epilepsy, and sometimes those times where hell because she would have a seizure in her sleep and I had to help bring her through. It was tough being a teenager in that house, I went through a lot!

My mom use to always say to me..."Use my life as an example and never be like me!" I didn't know what she meant until I became an adult, living on my own.

It still puzzles me at times, why she put up with certain things. My mom had it going on! She was a beautiful black woman with a body everyone is trying to get today! Lol...for real!

When my mother passed away, months later it hit me! The reason she went through a rough life started back with her mother. But I also realized that she felt empty, lost, damaged, unloved and most of all unpretty.

I wish she knew her worth! Maybe life would've gone in a different direction.

A Brief Introduction.....

Hello Friends,

I know some of you are thinking...why she named her blog the sad bag lady?, well it has many meanings. I feel that I need to share my true feelings and hope what I write help someone else. The other reason I'm creating this blog is because, I don't have anyone to talk to about anything. The one person that I did have to talk to, she died a couple months ago. We had over 15 years of friendship and now she's gone! I took it very hard. You only get a true friend once in a lifetime.

I'm married with children and that's a job within itself.